My partner of nearly 40 years died on Tuesday morning 2/12. Around December 20, he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer which metastisized in the liver. In just under two months, he went downhill horribly. It was so awful I'll spare you the details. He had diabetes, A-Fib, and kidney disease, all this coupled with 3 rounds of chemo was too much for his body to bear. I had to call 911 around 5 times and he was in and out of the hospital several times. I had to deal with a lot of awful stuff. It aged me 10 years.
Esophageal cancer is pretty much a death sentence with only a 17% survival rate, so I knew he was on limited time. Still when I spoke with him on a Monday night at 7pm he said he was feeling pretty good. Then I get a call at 6am the next morning telling me he was dead. It was a shock. I have my suspicions of how he died, but what's the point of putting blame on someone. It can't change anything.
He had just gone into a skilled nursing facility because he couldn't walk anymore, and there was no way to get him up from a chair for toileting. Home care was not an option because my place doesn't have the right facilities. So, to a couple of you that were educating me on the cost of nursing homes and financial needs at retirement and illness, I can assure you I am aware of both.
Now I am alone here on a 44 acre farm that needs work. I am scared. I pondered long and hard about buying my mare in 12/17 but took the plunge I now regret. Had my old guy not had a serious heart issue, I would have kept riding him until we both retired. Now I have these two horses and am stuck. The old guy costs me a lot, because he needs two prascend for his cushings. He would also be crippled without shoes, and my farrier charges $350. I'm spending about 1k a month just on two horses living at home.
I thought when I bought the mare that she would be the type that would be easy to resell, but that's turned out not to be the case. She is very safe, and extremely sweet and loving (perfect for KathyK) but she is way behind in her training for her age. She requires a good ride to get her going well, so whomever gets her next needs to be at least as good a rider as I am. Not that I'm that good
, but I know how to push a horse through. She's very obedient and wants to please, but she 'looks' at stuff (like a light beam)and will then come above the bit. Little stuff, but it's hard to progress in training when the horse keeps getting unconnected due to looking. It's something a real novice wouldn't be able to handle probably. She also has a lot of thrust/push at the canter and could feel scary to someone. It did to me at first. She also needs a rider than can ride in a <18inch seat, because of her short back. She's very sound and had exquisite xrays a year ago. Also, hooves from heaven. Goes barefoot and not a chip even in rough frozen ground. Do not suggest leasing this mare. Absolutely not!I missed last two+ months riding. I get in a ride every now and then, but I have to really push myself to get out there and ride. I do so because I want to keep the mare fit in the event I sell her or 'give' her away. The problem with that is that I still have the old gelding. He is not a candidate for a retirement farm. He did live alone for a few years before I bought the mare, but now I know he was depressed. He is now so happy. He trots/canters around the fields with her. I feel an obligation to him and he just might live many more years. I really don't think at this point I can emotionally deal with another loss, be it horses or where I live.
My farm needs a lot of work and maintenance. Joe (my partner) was a procrastinator and started a lot he didn't finish. He did, however, mow the property and harrow my ring. He did a lot of mowing; around 20 acres. My place is set up such that at least around 10 acres needs to be mowed. I have a lot of open field around my little house and it would look terrible if I allowed it to get overgrown. I managed to find a company to contract for the mowing. It's going to cost me at least $200 every week. I've also contacted a guy to remove manure because now I have nobody to use the spreader. I also don't have anyone to drag the ring for me. Before you think "why don't you do it yourself", it's because I do not know how to drive a tractor and I know I would crash the bucket loader into the walls of the indoor or the mirrors. I also do not have the strength or time to be unhooking and hooking up attachments to that tractor. Keep in mind I am going to be 73 years old in May.
That my cyber friends is an update on what's happening with me at present. If you comment on this, be aware that I am extremely sensitive right now and might take helpful comments the wrong way.
