Rant: Eating in Public

[Suzon]

I know we've been over this before, so feel free to .

I work in a very small home office (square footage). We have one other person on our office staff, who is DH's 25-year-old son. My complaint: he eats like a caveman. He's currently wolfing down a burrito complete with grunting, horrible chewing noises, lip smacking, and desperate breaths for air. If he were a horse, I throw some rocks in his bucket for fear of him choking. SHEESH!

[PaulaO]

Just yell at him "use your manners." People like that do not take well placed hints. Your husband can also give him the "how to eat without noise" talk.

[kande50]

It probably won't last for long at that rate, anyway.

[Rockabilly]

Just yell at him "use your manners." People like that do not take well placed hints. Your husband can also give him the "how to eat without noise" talk.

It doesn't sound like he has any manners to use.

[boots-aregard]

Hmm. Maybe you need to stand up and announce, "How long do you suppose until you finish eating? I am going out for a walk. You need to answer the phones, and please don't do it with something in your mouth."

And then do it.

Probably easier to say, "Please eat in the kitchen, ok?"

[Racetrackreject]

I wonder if it's a generational thing. I say this because I have a very good friend who is 26 and when he comes over to eat steaks, he eats his steak without using cutlery. Now, I know I can cook a mean and tender steak, but still. The first time he came to eat, I turned to get him silverware and when I turned back I found him pulling the steak apart with his hands and eating it. Now I just say, "Do you need silverware or are you going to caveman it?". He sheepishly replies "caveman" most of the time.

I also work with a 25 year old man who eats much like you are describing. He refers to himself as a human garbage disposal even though he's a gym-rat type who works out religiously. It's almost like there is a sense of pride involved with having bad manners.

At least neither of these guys grunts though! no eating noises tyvm.

[Suzon]

It probably won't last for long at that rate, anyway.

I think it took about as long as it took me to write that post.

He's the product of being raised by a very laid back single dad. Two men alone in the same home. I don't think the TP roll got hung ever until I moved in.

[kande50]

I don't think the TP roll got hung ever until I moved in.

Mine never does, either. Nor do I put much of anything away, as I think of the house as a big work space/closet. Not sure if I've saved any time by not putting things away because it does take longer to locate things, but now that I'm home more I use stuff more often so usually remember where it is.

I do like it quiet though, so would have a problem with loud eating. I'd probably just get up and leave until it was over.

[orono]

Honest question...would you be as annoyed if it was someone other than DH's DS?

[Dapple Field]

What bothers me are ads on TV showing kids holding their silverware like a shovel and eating with their mouths open. Same thing happens in restaurants. I have to really restrain myself from showing them the correct way to hold their silverware. DH just says I'm too much of a WASP.

[Tarlo Farm]

Lazy parenting. Correct the behavior! No one gets far in life without being able to properly eat in public.

[Quelah]

What Tarlo said. You'll be doing him a favor.

[Suzon]

Honest question...would you be as annoyed if it was someone other than DH's DS?

I'd probably be twice as annoyed to know I hired someone with those manners that I'd actually interviewed and vetted. As it is, we're trying to give DS a boost in life by expanding his skills and giving him responsibility....otherwise, he sits at his mother's house and plays video games.

DH has two sons. The older one (who is about 15 years older than younger son) is a successful jazz trombonist who has played all over the world with and for big names. He's a go getter. And then there's the younger one. Sigh. Both sweet boys, but sooooooo different.

[myleetlepony]

I feel for you...I can't stand hearing people eat (unless it's something intentionally crunchy, like chips) or open mouth chewing.

I'm probably harder than I should be about table manners with SO's son, but I've always felt this was a basic life skill.

I generally sit with my back to the crowd in restaurants for another reason, but I'm glad I do because there are so many people with bad table manners and openly chewing anymore. It seems to get worse with each generation...walking into a grade school cafeteria is enough to make you nauseous!

[capstone]

For me, it's not so much the noise or even generally the use of silverware, but rather the visual. To see someone's food roll around in their mouth as they are chewing is what is nauseating to me.

[mld02004]

I wonder if it's a generational thing. I say this because I have a very good friend who is 26 and when he comes over to eat steaks, he eats his steak without using cutlery. Now, I know I can cook a mean and tender steak, but still. The first time he came to eat, I turned to get him silverware and when I turned back I found him pulling the steak apart with his hands and eating it. Now I just say, "Do you need silverware or are you going to caveman it?". He sheepishly replies "caveman" most of the time.

I also work with a 25 year old man who eats much like you are describing. He refers to himself as a human garbage disposal even though he's a gym-rat type who works out religiously. It's almost like there is a sense of pride involved with having bad manners.

At least neither of these guys grunts though! no eating noises tyvm.

[PaulaO]

I cannot stand the sound of crunching chips, etc. I know I'm guilty of talking with my mouth full. I was raised with better manners. Need to do self check. As far as eating a steak with one's hands, what a pig.

[horsepepsi]

Well, you just described my Inlaws... including my dh... until I taught him manners. only took 28yrs but its a victory.
I broke my inlaws of doing that in my presence by not holding my puke back. It landed half way across the table. Dh had to explain to them why it happened. While I was changing my shirt and they were changing the table stuff.

What I would do with dhs son, you have dogs right? Get another dog dish from the dollar store. And put his meals in it on the floor. And explain to him as he insists eating like an animal he can have his food like one. And have him fight for his food from the dogs... I had to do this with #2 ds because he was turning into an animal when he was eating, even forgetting the simplest of manners, like use a napkin not your hand or sleeve on your mouth. so I started just hanging the bowel up on the wall, close to where I keep the dishes. He got the hint.

[Suzon]

Well, since he's not my son and only here for 5 hours a day (and is often in the field, so not even that), I don't think I'll bother with the dog bowl. I'll just leave the room while he eats.

[Koolkat]

As far as eating a steak with one's hands, what a pig.

Well I assume that means that at least he is lifting it to his mouth. . . . the meat that is, not the plate.

[Chisamba]

I would encourage better eating manners, politely. If he dates, eats in a restaurant, or any other socializing, he will not make a good impression . Perhaps you can help him out.

No need to be crass or nasty about it.

[kande50]

I broke my inlaws of doing that in my presence by not holding my puke back. It landed half way across the table.

Well there ya go! If you don't like someone's table manners just puke on the table and they'll be cured.

[Chisamba]

Never mind

[AmityBee]

...but, eating with your fingers is so... ...satisfying!!! I love doing that. Mind you, not in public, but I'm not opossed to eat yogurt, icecream or even pasta with my bare hands...

[capstone]

...but, eating with your fingers is so... ...satisfying!!! I love doing that. Mind you, not in public, but I'm not opossed to eat yogurt, icecream or even pasta with my bare hands...

I can't imagine. Pizza, burger, taco, ribs...yes.

[capstone]

I would encourage better eating manners, politely. If he dates, eats in a restaurant, or any other socializing, he will not make a good impression . Perhaps you can help him out.

No need to be crass or nasty about it.

I agree. Maybe the family angle makes us more direct.

[Woost2]

...but, eating with your fingers is so... ...satisfying!!! I love doing that. Mind you, not in public, but I'm not opossed to eat yogurt, icecream or even pasta with my bare hands...

And jello. Don't forget jello.

[Grandiose]

I do not like eating with my hands, I even keep my sandwich in the baggie so I don't touch it.

Have you said anything to him about the proper way to eat? In a nice way, maybe point out how ugly his behavior is to others. I've got a good friend that stuffs 3 sticks of gum in her mouth when traveling thru places that make her ears close. I haven't been able to convince her she is a bit too noisy, so I feel your pain.

[stella]

Please do say something to him. I was not aware of how awful I sounded and looked when I ate until 15 years in to a relationship and my SO looked across the table at me and said "can you chew with your fu***ng mouth shut?"

Members of my family still eat like that. It's gross.

[orono]

Seriously? Sounds like SO had worse manners than your eating.

[Chisamba]

Please do say something to him. I was not aware of how awful I sounded and looked when I ate until 15 years in to a relationship and my SO looked across the table at me and said "can you chew with your fu***ng mouth shut?"

Members of my family still eat like that. It's gross.

See, I do not understand this. Why bottle it up in frustration for fifteen years and then be rude. What makes it okay to be rude and crass in response. Isn't it better to explain about manners and eating sounds in a social setting. Especially is you are family or some one close.

For example in our family is we are about to go out we will sometimes give each other the sniff test to see if anyone has body odor. My hubby tends to over use scented products and my son tends to underuse , and I am nose blind to horse smells,so a little sniff test before going in the car or in public is a family service . By the way the best which clean product is either Listerine or hydrogen peroxide if anyone wants a handy dandy hint.

Eating noises too. Explain how to reduce chewing and swallowing sounds, smaller mouthfuls, Lips closed while chewing, explain that Misophonia is a thing, as are social interactions and good versus bad impressions. If the person is obtuse about t or cheers louder because you asked, then perhaps a more overt response.

It is possible to to address these issues without being an arsehole.

[Rockabilly]

There's some people that make you want to eat and then there are those that don't.

[Chisamba]

I am doing an online course of study to further my understanding and career in working with people with I/DD. We are covering hope important friendship is. Some of the characteristics of positive relationships really struck me in context of this thread.

" Friends help people rehearse roles
Friends serve as fresh role models
Friends can stretch us being our families"

Anyway, in light of the socially awkward behavior , it seems that being a friend even of the moment, is reciprocal and attractive and good energy. When one participant cannot see the value of the other, relationships are not positive.

[piedmontfields]

I am doing an online course of study to further my understanding and career in working with people with I/DD. We are covering hope important friendship is.

Very cool Chisamba! I truly admire on-going commitments to learning and transformation. This seems very relevant to being an instructor and trainer IMO.

[Racetrackreject]

...but, eating with your fingers is so... ...satisfying!!! I love doing that. Mind you, not in public, but I'm not opossed to eat yogurt, icecream or even pasta with my bare hands...

LOL! Yes, I once sent a plate home with my caveman friend. The next day, I asked him if he had managed to eat his dinner the night before and he replied that he had eaten it on the drive home. I said, "what about the mashed potatoes?". He said those too...lol. Granted they were stiff mashed potatoes with cheeses mixed in (his request), but still.

I'm the person who hates to eat with their hands. I will even wrap my burger or sandwich with a napkin if it doesn't come wrapped in anything. I eat quesadillas with a fork..lol.

To be fair, my friend the caveman is a product of his upbringing, which he is lucky to have survived. I'm certain that he has never eaten in a restaurant where you sit down to eat, which is sadly not uncommon for a lot of the poor, younger people in this area. He actually sort of hides to eat or just won't eat at all in front of people he is not comfortable with. I also know he still doesn't have the best life, so I always ask if he is hungry when I see him and he always says no, but then 30 minutes later will ask if my offer still stands because he "is starving". I can overlook his lack of manners because seeing him eat at all is something that is a really big trust for him. I didn't understand that at first, but I do now.

[heddylamar]

First dinner with my husband's brothers, wives and parents was a shock. They didn't talk. Everyone ate with their forearms wrapped around their plates. And they shoveled.

I am an unapologetically sarcastic person.

Several years, many dinners, and numerous attempts to engage the family in dinner conversation later, I asked him later my husband if he was worried that I'd steal his dinner. I gently explained the merits of basic table manners. That was a complete miss. Who is this Emily Post to decide what constitutes acceptable manners?

I tried a few other tactics too, all failed.

He's one of those people who needs proof to understand, so on our next dinner out I imitated him to an extreme. The point was driven home after a few times.

Thirteen years later and I think he has better table manners than me, and I was taught by a master

He needs those manners — he's often dining with the upper echelon of his industry.

Make the effort to teach your son-in-law. Whether or not he learns anything is up to him.

[Tuddy]

I have to sheepishly admit that I am a caveman if I don't catch myself. But I can also agree that the sound of people chewing makes me cringe.

My husband can make a banana sound like it was the crunchiest thing ever and I just want to throat punch him. Don't get me started on the popcorn eaters in the movie theatres...

As for a solution, I have mastered the art of "The Look". When my husband starts crunching bananas (gawd that sounds awful, lol), I just give him the Look. He can feel my eyes burning into his soul. He then quits - and he totally does the same thing to me when I do the same.

[Flight]

I felt bad mentioning to my BF that he noisy eating and the poor thing just looked at me and says "I keep my mouth closed"! But I think he mauls it to death with his mouth, or snorts air through it or something!!