Jingles for my QH mare-Update: she's gone

[MagicEm]

Hi All,
[UPDATE: She was euthanized early Sunday morning, more details in post below]

so as per my last thread, I'm spending a month in Philly on a research fellowship. My plans for this weekend were to get a bunch of non-research school work done (I have a bunch of December 1st deadlines), as my SO is coming to visit for Thanksgiving and I want to spend next weekend sight-seeing and exploring with him.

I had a productive night last night and a productive first half of my day, but I just received a text from my dad that my QH mare (my first horse), who is currently retired with my mom, started having some health issues today. I don't know much, b/c my mom is at the barn and their is crappy cell service there and my dad is not really a horse person. He told me the vet thinks she has some kind of neuro issue going on. She is having difficulty standing, and the way my dad phrased it makes me think she wants to lay down, but they can't let her for worry she won't get back up. She's on anti-inflammatories and painkillers, and another vet who also does chiro work is going out to take a look at her.

So now I am balling my eyes out. I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions, but she's older, 24, and I don't know, I just have a sinking feeling in my stomach. I hope it's wrong. The town they are in is pretty limited in terms of vet care, although the vets are great people and do everything they can with the resources they have. The closest big vet clinic would be a 7+ hour drive.

She's had a good life and I keep trying to tell myself that for comfort. We've owned her since she was 6 (I was 10 year olds) and so I grew up with her. She's always been my best friend. I know in my head, if it is her time to go, it's okay because she's had a good life, but in reality, I'm not ready to let her go. The idea of going home for Christmas and her being gone just breaks my heart.

I wish I could be there. But even if I wasn't in Philly, I would still be a 13+ hour drive from my hometown (or 2 flights away). The one thing that is kinda stressing me out about being in Philly is I don't have any of her "stuff"--pictures etc. I have pictures on my computers, but it's not quite the same and I just want to hold one of her pictures and look at her. Again, I know in my head I'm likely being silly and overemotional, but I can't convince my feelings to calm down. if anyone could spare any jingles, I would appreciate it. Or if anyone just wants to try and talk some common sense into me, that's appreciated to. My mom is my "go-to" person in times of stress, particularly stuff regarding animals, but she's their dealing with this firsthand, so I don't want to add any more stress to her plate, so I'm turning to the DDBB.

[Josette]

Sending healing jingles for your mare. No - you are not being over emotional. You love her. Good that your mom is with her.

[Canyon]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It is tough to be so far away - hugs to you.

Can you take your laptop or a thumb drive with some of your picture files to an office supply/photo store and get a few printed out so you can hold a photo of her?

[piedmontfields]

Glad you mom is with her. Sending healing thoughts and jingles.

[Rhianon]

Of course you can't "calm down." It's awful. But she does have someone who knows and loves her with her. Hold on to that.

Bon courage, and jingles for your girl.

Do come here as much as you need. We've all been through it, and truly understand and care.

[KathyK]

I don't think you're silly or overemotional. It's a difficult situation at best, and that much harder when you're so far away and feeling helpless. Like Rhianon said, we're here.

[PaulaO]

Jingles and prayers for you and your girl.

[Woost2]

Jingles for all of you.

[redsoxluvr]

JIngles!

[MagicEm]

Thanks all. I really appreciate the support and your kind words. I guess I felt silly getting so emotional b/c she is her mid-twenties so I figured I shouldn't be so shocked that there's health issues. But I just saw her in September and she seemed so happy and and healthy in her retirement (arthritic and a bit creaky, but very comfortable enjoying her life being turned out daily with a heard of other mares). Plus there's been so many big tragedies in the world over the past few weeks, it feels a little selfish (I know it's been a huge privilege just to have her in my life).

Canyon . . . thank you for the suggestion about getting print outs of the digital photos. I was so worked up, I never even thought of that until you suggested it. I sent some digital prints over to Walgreens and picked them up an hour ago. It's weird, but having them beside my helps a lot.

I talked to my mom. The good news is she is eating, drinking, pooping, peeing etc. The bad news is she is severely uncoordinated and her hind legs are especially weak. No fever. The vet called it ataxia, but isn't sure of the cause, although he thinks it's likely due to perhaps severe arthritis that has developed somewhere along the spinal chord or some kind of tumor that might be pressing/infringing on spinal chord in some way. Banamine makes her more comfortable. she hasn't been trying to lie down, but they are quite sure if she does she won't be able to get back up and that she would have to be put down. The vet said that her being in a stall is good, b/c she can use the walls for support to help. The other vet who does chiropractic work is coming tomorrow for an assessment . . . assuming she is able to stay standing overnight.

I'm trying to hold out hope, but I've had a pit in my stomach since I got the text from my dad. She was fine Friday evening, so she deteriorated really badly and rapidly over night. I think the suddenness of it is partly why I am so worried. I

I'm really glad my mom is there for her. She likes my mom and they are close--I mean what's not to like? In her retirement, my mom is her provider of cookies and treat, hand grazing, and massages. I feel better knowing that even though I'm not with her, that she gets to be with someone who loves her, knows her well, and who will bring her comfort. She took care of me during my first few years of riding when I was a rank beginner and she's also who I started my dressage journey with. And whenever I had a bad day as an adolescent or teen I'd go into her stall and hug her and cry and she'd always give me comfort. She's given me so much. She deserves to be around those who love her, if it is her time.

[mzloolue]

Jingles for your girl.

[Sunshine2Me]

~~Jingles~~ for your girl. I hope things straighten out for her. {{Hugs}} for you!

[Kyra's Mom]

Jingles and {{{HUGS}}}.

Susan

[bailey]

Jingles for your girl and for you. Peace & comfort tonight.

[onetrickpony]

I'm sorry that you're not able to be there with her. Jingles.

[demi]

I hope your girl pulled through. She sounds like a much loved horse.

[MagicEm]

I got a call from my mom at 9:30 a.m today and she's gone. She laid down this morning and it was apparently quite clear she had no interest in getting up and that it was her time, so they euthanized her. When my mom arrived she was laying comfortably and was peaceful. My mom actually thought the vet had sedated her, but the vet said that's just how she was. I'm glad she had a peaceful end to her life, b/c she deserved it. But I'm completely heartbroken and have been crying a lot.

I'm really glad I got the photos printed yesterday that I did. I have them on my desk right now, and I also got some wallet sized ones printed, and along with sticking some in my wallet yesterday, I slept with those under my pillow. It's weird but it brought my comfort and made me feel like I was able to be with her in some way through the night.

RIP my special girl--you will always be remembered and loved:

[bascar]

Damn. Sorry for your loss MagicEm.

[gypsy still flies]

Sorry for your loss.

[Paints]

I'm so sorry MagicEm. I'm glad her journey was peaceful.

[Snork]

I'm sorry MagicEm.

[Canyon]

I'm sorry you lost your beautiful girl. What a wonderful photo - is that Charles de Kunffy?

[StraightForward]

I am so sorry. It sounds like she had a wonderful life with you and a peaceful end.

[MagicEm]

Thanks all.

I'm sorry you lost your beautiful girl. What a wonderful photo - is that Charles de Kunffy?

Yep it was Charles de Kunffy. We rode in one clinic with him . . . I can't remember the exact year, but I'm thinking around 2005-6 (damn time flies!). I had taken clinics and done some short WS-stints in high school with one of Charles' long-time students--JJ Tate. JJ was actually really important to our dressage journey--she believed in us, took us seriously and gave me hope that I could learn dressage on my little QH mare with below average gaits (i.e. a canter with a tendency to 4-beat, not helped by her previous western pleasure training). After training with JJ and auditing Charles clinics, I knew I really really wanted to ride with him . . . however it was a long trailer ride from my hometown so it was tricky to arrange (however I struck a deal with my parents where I would pay for the cost of the clinic rides and they would trailer and look after a hotel room for us etc. that also shows how awesome and supportive my parents were/are). That clinic was great b/c it really felt like the culmination of our partnership: we worked really hard, we learned a ton, but there was no stress or nerves--we had FUN and I was so proud of what we accomplished. Several people came up to me after and asked what her breeding was and were shocked that she was 100% AQHA: "Really? Not even an appendix?" Nope, just my little 15 hh QH.

She was also not a big fan of the camera, so the fact that she kept her ears perked and looked so happy was a bit of a rarity for her. She just had so much personality. She could be a grouch at times, but she also loved to work and knew when I needed comfort. She was so sassy and full of herself--even when I visited in September and took her grazing she was speed walking and dragging me around to the best spots. She was turned out daily in a large field with several other mares, but she also found a way this summer to get UNDER the bottom string of electric tape, and then she would just hang out and graze in a grassy area right beside her pasture (that had better/richer grass). She wouldn't go anywhere other than that one area, and whenever someone noticed she escaped she would stand calmly while they got her and put her back where she was supposed to. That was kinda her way--making her opinions known and causing some mischief, but no real trouble.

[Tuffytown]

Aw, what a peach. I'm so sorry for the loss of your special mare. I have one like that, 26, and I know I will face this soon and I hope she can go with the same quiet dignity that you afforded your lovely mare.

[PaulaO]

I am so sorry about your girl. I will say there is comfort in a peaceful, dignified crossing. Such an honor to ride with CdeK.

[Koolkat]

Oh Em, so happy she was able to go peacefully and quickly. What a beautiful picture, many condolences.

[Kyra's Mom]

My condolences.
Beuatiful mare. Thanks for sharing.

{{{{MagicEm}}}}

Susan

[Canyon]

One more thing - you may want to ask your mom to save some hair from your mare's tail, in case you decide later to have some braided jewelry made as a memento.

[FlyingLily]

I am so sorry - that photo is gorgeous. Be warmed by your wonderful memories.

[LeoApp]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[Josette]

Lovely photo - I'm sorry you and your Mom lost her.

[Rhianon]

Ah, no. I'm so very sorry.

I lost my Annie at age 24 when I was out of the country. I know how hard it is to have not been there. I hope you can take comfort, as I mentioned before, in knowing that she was with those who loved her and gave her a peaceful end. I know it was the one comfort I had in that dark time.

[myleetlepony]

I'm sorry to hear

Just curious, was that picture taken at Wyngate?

[Flight]

So sorry for your loss

[Ponichiwa]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's very hard to lose a great horse, especially your first.

[scruffy the cat]

She was beautiful. I'm sorry for your loss.

[piedmontfields]

I''m so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing more about your girl and the photo. Great teachers, great story.

[TeresaA]

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm glad that your parents were with her.

[fergusnc]

So very sorry for your loss. It sounds like she was a truly special girl.

[Dapple Field]

To have a dear horse like yours go peacefully is a blessing. To have your mother there for her was even nicer for your mare. I'm very sorry for your loss, it's the saddest part of having horses.

[bailey]

She was incredibly beautiful. I'm sorry for your loss, it sounds like she had a peaceful, comfortable passing. Hugs to you and your mom.

[MagicEm]

Thank you all again so much. Your words are all very touching and bring a lot of comfort. As so many of you have mentioned, I am relieved she went peacefully and was not stressed, and I am just beyond thankful that my mom was able to be there with her. I can't even imagine how much harder it would be if my mom was there. I'm also relieved it happened now and not in January or February . . . they get harsh winters and not only would the cold have been rough on her, but it would be a lot worse to have this happen and to have the ground be frozen 6 feet + deep. I know it will hurt for a long awhile, and I know going home for Christmas will be painful (seeing her stall of the past 6+ years either empty or with another horse in it), but I do feel more at peace than I did yesterday when I was dreading the news, or today when I received it. I'm actually able to write this post without crying (first time).

She taught me so many lessons. Not just about horsemanship and dressage (although that alone was a long list of lessons), but about life in general. I know she'll live on in the lessons she taught me and other people who spent time with her.

On a bit of a unrelated note, I was staring at the picture on my desk today and it hit me that I wasn't wearing a helmet . . . yikes! For the past 6 years or so I've ridden every time, every ride, and I feel like back then I wore my helmet the majority of the time, so I'm not sure why I wasn't that day. It's been awhile since I've seen a picture of me on a horse without a helmet.

canyon: my mom got me a chunk of her tail, so we were on the same wavelength . I actually texted my mom yesterday when I got the news: "I'm sure you are already thinking about this, but if anything happens, please get me a chunk of her tail."

myleetlepony: yep that picture was taken at Wyngate. Did you train there, or clinic there? I think that clinic was one of Cdk's last there (JJ had already relocated to the east coast). We didn't spend a lot of time at Wyngate (my hometown is 10+ hours north), but all the time I spent there was filled with good memories. Everyone was always really fabulous and supportive, and I swear, my mare felt very special being around all the fancy WBs .

[M&M]

I'm so sorry, MagicEm.

[Moutaineer]

Ah, I'm sorry, MagicEm, she sounds like one of the special ones.

[demi]

Sorry, MagicEm. The hardest part of having a good horse is losing her. I'm glad you have that great pic of your horse, yourself, and Charles.

[Abby Kogler]

So so sorry! It doesn't matter if they are 100, its still such a sad sad event. What a great picture of you and Charles! Shes beautiful. You two were lucky to have each other. Im glad she had a quiet end. So very sorry.

[Sue B]

So sorry MagicEm, but what a beautiful picture of you and she. My mare went much the same way as yours except my husband had to do 'the dirty deed". She was so weak in her hind end that she had to keep moving in order to not fall down. The day I made the decision, she couldn't even eat without leaning up against one of the other horses and even then, she could only grab one or two mouthfuls then circle off. She was 24 also.

((((((MagicEm)))))))

[Tarlo Farm]

I'm so sorry for you. She had a wonderful life and you have equally wonderful memories. You did well by her and for her. Hugs!

[onetrickpony]

I am very sorry to read this update. I hope that your many wonderful memories of your time together will help ease the pain of her passing.