Anyone else with gift giving anxieties?

[periastra]

I am always anxious about gifts for my family.We aren't that close and they are all somewhat difficult to please. This is my 2 sisters and 3 nieces. This year I had cook books printed for everyone. They are my Grandma and Great Grandma's favorite recipes in their own handwriting. I included pictures of them. My best friend and DH think they're great. I have them all wrapped and ready, but I have a knot in my stomach about giving them. I find this season so stressful. It's the thought that counts right?

[capstone]

Yes, I guess you could say I do. I tend to second guess myself. A lot. For example, today I found a gift for friend which will replace the one I already got her, which will be returned.

I'm only buying family gifts for the children. Adults will get calendars made from pictures from my time in Switzerland so far.

[Code3]

Ooh, me! Me! I get very anxious about gift giving and almost never take part in gift exchanges. However, the gift you put together sounds so thoughtful and loving that I would let go of that anxiety. What a special gift!

[KathyK]

I blame it on the overuse of the words "the perfect gift." We hear it so often in advertisements and on shopping channels, we think there is such a thing readily available and that we are obligated to find it for everyone. I used to stress over it; now I get something I hope they will like and I don't worry about it any further. Well, not too much.

When someone gives me a gift, I smile and thank them, and tell them how much I like it and thoughtful it was of them - whether I like it or not. Anyone who can't do that is immature and selfish and you shouldn't waste energy worrying whether they like your gift. You do your best; the rest is up to them.

[gypsy still flies]

If I got a cookbook of my grandmother's recipes, I would be thrilled. There's no way it can happen though because she took them to her grave. Because of that, I wrote down my mom's sauce, meatball and manicotti recipes.

[periastra]

Thanks everyone for the kind words and support. I will be dropping them off tomorrow and Monday. Kathy K is right I think. We are bombarded with "the perfect gift" as an expectation this time of year. I can't imagine the pressure for guys to buy the "perfect diamond". The jewelry commercials are designed to make you feel like a schmuck if you don't bankrupt yourself for Christmas.

[Koolkat]

I think that is a wonderful idea, and a gift which only a family member could give. I hope the exchange brings common memories and closeness to you and your family.

[hoopoe]

i think your gift sounds lovely. i would be thrilled. if your gift does not please them, or if they are classless enough to indicate that, then that is their issue. if word got back to me of their displeasure then i would remove myself from the gift giving tradition and screw them for what they think.

sorry for the no caps, only one hand right now

ps if one of them throws it back, i will buy it from you. i love genuine cookbooks. the best recipes are those which stand the test of mom/ grammie worthiness. sensible women don't have an hour to do the mise en place

[boots-aregard]

Firstly, I don't do Christmas, and I encourage EVERYONE in my family NOT to do Christmas, either.

That said, I make it a policy to be delighted with any gift I receive. Joke gift, serious gift, cheap gift, expensive gift, appropriate gift, wildly inappropriate gift. That is my gift-back to the giver.

Sounds like more of y'all's families need to adopt that strategy.

[periastra]

I am hoping my gift is appreciated. I guess a part of me would like us to be a little closer. My sisters have a fairly good relationship, but I have always felt like an outsider at family events. It's like a visit with polite strangers. I guess if they don't like it I can't do anything anyway. As DH says "screw em, that's their loss."

[Woost2]

I'm with Boots. I have been able to completely opt out of gift giving. And certainly never volunteer for gift exchanges. I have always made it a point to express many thanks for any gift a receive. Regardless. I remember being so mortified when my sister would blurt out "I'd never wear/use THAT," to my mother upon opening gifts. Total cringe. That was never going to be me.

[emmalou]

They are my Grandma and Great Grandma's favorite recipes in their own handwriting. I included pictures of them. My best friend and DH think they're great. I have them all wrapped and ready, but I have a knot in my stomach about giving them. I find this season so stressful. It's the thought that counts right?

I would be over the moon to receive this. Amazing gift, really!!!

[Red Barn]

I agree - the cookbook is an absolutely lovely idea.

I also like the fact that it strikes a small but effective blow against the impersonal, crass, and vulgar mess that is Consumer Capitalist Christmas.

Good on you.

[KathyK]

Now that my "perfect gift/unappreciative recipient" rant is over, I will add that I think the cookbook is a great idea. It's perfect. ( )

[hoopoe]

"That is my gift-back to the giver."

amen

"My sisters have a fairly good relationship, but I have always felt like an outsider at family events."

are you me???

[Chancellor]

"That is my gift-back to the giver."

amen

"My sisters have a fairly good relationship, but I have always felt like an outsider at family events."

are you me???

Well, i don't think she can be since she must be me!

I've gotten completely away from gift giving at Christmas time.

[Paints]

I am hoping my gift is appreciated. I guess a part of me would like us to be a little closer. My sisters have a fairly good relationship, but I have always felt like an outsider at family events. It's like a visit with polite strangers. I guess if they don't like it I can't do anything anyway. As DH says "screw em, that's their loss."

Once at Christmas I remarked to a colleague that I wanted a normal family. She told me that I had a normal family, I wanted a storybook family - LOL. Your gift is lovely. You gave something tangible and intangible at the same time and full of memories and your love. Wow. What an amazing gift.

[SnowHorse]

I get stressed out more of the receiving part:

"What do you want for Christmas?"

'Umm, I don't know, I don't need anything."

"That's NOT what I asked, I asked what do you WANT?"

"I don't know, I haven't thought about it."

"You better start thinking about it!"

"I really can't think of anything..."

[ironbessflint]

Me! My sister-in-law stresses me out every year. Seems I can come up with something great for parents and brother, and my niece is a piece of cake, but I really struggle with SIL. Partly because I don't particularly like her, partly because her hobbies are of the flavor of the week variety so I can't keep up with her interests, partly because her interests are always the latest fad, and if you don't take them into account then you're sabotaging her (seriously, I got slammed on facebook for having birthday cake at MY OWN BIRTHDAY when she was on a primal diet). She'll also randomly spout of things

In the past I've stuck with generic female gifts (scarves, socks, Philosophy bath sets, candles, etc), but I feel as though I'm running out of them. She's an interesting body shape and even though I could match her style, I wouldn't dare guess a size. She does have a horse, but we're so different in horse-keeping styles that it's hard to buy her horse things too. I feel like I nailed it this year with a photo collage fleece blanket and a thermal/changing Harry Potter coffee mug. Both are things I'd like myself, which I think is always an indication of a great gift, but I'm afraid I've used up all my potential ideas for her and screwed myself for next year!

I'm definitely guilty of the "I can't think of anything" bit. BUT, I also sometimes feel guilty when I DO think of something though. If somebody asks me and I come up with something that was $50, what if they were only looking to spend $30? Or if I come up with a $20 item, am I suggesting their prior gifts were cheap? I really stress about offending people with this! There's also the adult-hood problem of, if there's something for $20 that I want or need, I just go and buy it. The stuff I want/need that I don't have all seems to be because it's price-prohibitive, which doesn't necessarily make for a good gift suggestion! I seriously think I'm going to start an on-going wishlist on Amazon that I can give out, with a range of things. Seems a little like a 7 year old with a list for Santa, but then I don't have to feel awkward when the question comes up.

[periastra]

I gave the cook book to one of my nieces, who is named after my Great Grandmother, and she liked it very much. I know it was an early gift, but I felt so relieved that she was happy with it.