Why do people...

[Rosie B]

Think it's ok to loudly judge a pregnant lady for what she is eating?? (And by people I mean men!!)

I am 21 weeks pregnant now and this is starting to bug me. About once a month, I'll have McDs for lunch and bring it back to my desk at work. The first time, an older iron man dude saw fit to lecture me about healthy eating habits. I nicely defended myself and told him that occasionally indulging in junk food is not going to hurt anything.

So yesterday I had McDs again, and who is in the lobby when I walk in? Same dude. Fortunately this time I manage to sneak by him. However, as I'm finishing up my French fries the VP of our company walks by my desk and does a double take and sticks his head in my cube saying "are you eating French fries??? Shouldn't you be eating something healthy??" OMG. I thought about playing nice but there is absolutely no reason on this earth for anyone I work with to think it's ok to judge what I (or anyone else) is eating.

So I turned to him and smiled and said (rather forcefully) "Now don't you start with me!! Bob (other dude) is bad enough! There is absolutely nothing wrong with me eating French fries once in a while!" And I gather that the entire corner of our floor heard it, because I had multiple women come tell me afterward "good for you!" For both eating what I want unashamedly AND for sticking up for myself.

But seriously, why do people think this is ok???

(And boots, this is my effort to "talk". Lol. Ordinarily I don't post this kind of thing but I figured people might have fun with this one!)

[no.stirrups]

Is this your first kid? My experience was that it was worse after the baby came. Complete strangers would chastise me for not dressing the baby appropriately. Such as not putting a hat on her to walk the short distance from car to store on a cloudy day because "she'll get sunburned!" Or freaking out because she wasn't bundled in multiple layers on a warm spring day. Consider this practice for the whole world thinking they know better than you how to do everything child-related!

[Rosie B]

Lol this is my second. My son is coming up on two and a half. I didn't ever get criticized for how he was dressed, thankfully!! Although I did get some super strange comments from random weirdos.

[KathyK]

I'd be heading to HR right about now.

[hoopoe]

Even Julia Child said McDonalds is good, except their fries lost something when they stopped using lard.

She said, "Everything in Moderation"

cannot argue with a goddess

they are , in their cloddish way, trying to show affection and caring

[Rosie B]

Oh, I know they're making comments because they care, but still, there are more appropriate things one can say!

KathyK - that was NOTHING compared to what the same VP said last time I was pregnant!!! I have never been so embarrassed in my life. We were in a meeting with a bunch of other people (mostly younger) when I was about 7 months pregnant and VP turns to me and says "Rose, you're starting to scare me. " and I looked at him questioning of and he continued on to say that he just meant that I looked really good and that I looked like I was made to have babies. And he implied that was scary because he didn't want me to go out on maternity leave!!! OMG. I was blushing so badly I'm sure I was completely purple. I responded with something awkward along the lines of "um. I don't even know how to respond to that. Um. Thanks?"

What super awkward and inappropriate things have people said to you guys while pregnant? Or after?

[demi]

......
(And boots, this is my effort to "talk". Lol. Ordinarily I don't post this kind of thing but I figured people might have fun with this one!)

i'm trying to follow you're good example!

I have two comments after reading this thread and they both sprung from hoopoe's response:
Yay Julia!! And yeah, those men probably really like you. You're very likeable.

[Sue B]

Wait...eating delicious MacDonald's fries (from potatoes grown right here in my "back yard") is bad for you????? I was routinely admonished to gain more weight, even though I gained exactly what the doctor ordered. lol

The funniest 2 things I ever heard both happened in Costco when ds was a little guy. First was..."beautiful baby, did you adopt?" Like what? I'm so ugly I couldn't possibly have given birth to him??? Second was... His skin is such a beautiful color (he tans olive like me) is it natural?" Like, I dyed him or something? People are funny. I always wonder what dumb thing I've said that someone else is laughing about.

[Rhianon]

Oh, Rosie. Good for you for speaking your mind.

Why on earth does the public think they "own" a pregnant woman? Is a leftover from tribal days or something?

[Moutaineer]

Truly, it's never appropriate to comment on what someone is having for lunch, except to say "that smalls delicious!" or the like. (And you have to be careful with that in our place or the Mexican guys will insist on sharing it with you, which I feel deprives them of their much needed lunch!)

[piedmontfields]

Oh, Rosie. Good for you for speaking your mind. Why on earth does the public think they "own" a pregnant woman? Is a leftover from tribal days or something?

Without attempting to turn this into a political commentary, I will say that the coverage of Trump's candidacy shows us an example of a man (who many seem to like) who feels it is his right to comment on women's bodies and attire at any time. So I am a little more cranky in reaction than hoopoe. I see it as everyday sexism where these men are taking on the privilege of policing a woman's body---one french fry at a time.

And FYI, my DH would never ever say this kind of crap--because it's sexist and totally inappropriate in the workplace. So there!

[boots-aregard]

Thanks for the topic, Rosie!

It's almost like people who tell other people (women almost exclusively) to smile. Like they have nothing else to say but, "Here, let me insist you do something different than you are doing, in my attempt to make a friendly connection to you."

But Rosie, if it's not a McRib, I'm not sure why you bother.

[Suzon]

I hope you are having an uneventful pregnancy and that you enjoyed your fries.

[Flight]

I think you said it very politely! I would have said F#$ck off!! But I may have a slightly different workplace culture too

Hopefully now they'll pull their heads in and keep their mouths shut!

[Larbear]

The funniest 2 things I ever heard both happened in Costco when ds was a little guy. First was..."beautiful baby, did you adopt?" Like what? I'm so ugly I couldn't possibly have given birth to him???

Geez nice eh!

[Mareless]

I don't really remember odd/rude comments while pregnant, although I was young and looked even younger, so I used to get lots of funny/judgemental looks from people.

I do remember a few comments that were funny and some that were annoying.

Funny: the time my hubby got a flat tire on his way to work, and once there called me to come get it and take it to the local tire shop to be patched. I had our 3 yr old and 6 month old sons with me, and while I was waiting one of the tire shop guys asked what time I would be done babysitting and did I want to go out to dinner that night! I told him it would be about 18 years, they were my kids and no thanks, I just needed to get my husband's tire fixed.

Another funny: our eldest son is darker complected, with brown hair and has my brown eyes. Younger son is more fair, was blonde for a long time and has DJ's blue eyes. I am not fair, but am more medium complected with chestnut brown hair. Dh is med-dark with dk brown/black hair but blue eyes. When my youngest son was about two, people used to ask if he was adopted because of his blue eyes and light coloring. After a few times of this, dh would say "no, he is the meter reader's son" and say we had lived in the upper peninsula (where the native yoopers are blonde and blue eyed).

Very annoying was the time I took our three kids to the beach in July, shortly after my daughter turned two. She had pale blonde hair, brown eyes like mine, and DJ's dark complexion. A woman actually came up to me and started yelling at me that I was a horrible parent for letting my daughter get so tanned, and hadn't I ever heard of sunscreen?!? I wanted so badly to throw the bottle at her, but I just pulled it out of our beach bag and said "she's dark skinned, and *is* wearing sunscreen. 45 SPF." (Which was the highest SPF available in 1996).

Then, of course, after our fourth child was born I got a lot of the "don't you know what causes that" comments. If I was feeling bitchy I would reply " contraceptive failure. You know that 1% failure rate? That's me, three different kinds. You're welcome, it could have been you."

[heddylamar]

I would not be so polite. Commenting on anyone's diet goes against any and all versions of acceptable public behavior.

The other thing that perpetually annoys me -- and I have never been pregnant -- is commenting on weight/size. Not the "are you due tomorrow" or "twins" comments, but the "wow, you're really eating for two" crap. Why is it not acceptable to comment on weight gain for non-pregnant people, but somehow fair game to tell some poor hormonal woman she's fat?

[Chisamba]

We're had to move when I was in my seventh month of pregnancy. I had a frienwhod was in NICU, and I asked her to call the hospital and chattily ask which doctor I should avoid .

Thus armed I choose my new doctors and went in for my introductory visit. I peed in a chip as asked, was out in my room.. ( had given them my medical records which I brought with) was feeling very prepared and organized when the doctor walked in with a beaming smile and said " congratulations you are pregnant".

I was like, no kidding Einstein.

Fortunately he blushed, looked rapidly at his chart and sorted it ask out in his mind. He told me that they rotated through their doctors fit delivery and suggested I come in each week to meet a different doctor so I knew then all.

My son did not wait full term, and i had an emergency C section, and it was the doctor I had never met. I would have been stressed completely if I had not had the NICU nurses a sleuthing to b reassure me.

No one, that I recall, was rude or " helpful" about my eating habits but the baby shower was really helpful as friends told me practical things about living with pregnancy and young children that were very helpful.

I had a number of miscarriages before I had my son, and most friends and acquaintances knew that, so most people were happy, supporting and helpful.

[capstone]

I may have told this story previously on UDBB, so I will try for a brief recap.

DH and I were waiting to be seated at a restaurant. Stranger (lady) comes up and asks if I would be interested in learning of opportunities to work from home after I had the baby. My dismissive reply: "I'm not pregnant." A pause on her end and then "Well if you've recently given birth, maybe the information would still be helpful?" My very cranky reply before moving away from her: "I did not just have a baby." She had the nerve to find me at my new location to "apologize" by saying that she works at a daycare and she is good at recognizing what pregnant and new mothers look like.

[kande50]

She had the nerve to find me at my new location to "apologize" by saying that she works at a daycare and she is good at recognizing what pregnant and new mothers look like.

So do you think she was trying to say that she thought you were lying?

[capstone]

She had the nerve to find me at my new location to "apologize" by saying that she works at a daycare and she is good at recognizing what pregnant and new mothers look like.

So do you think she was trying to say that she thought you were lying?

I didn't think that at the time; I just thought she was trying to save face. But perhaps she saw my response as a brush off instead of the truth.

[demi]

....so I am a little more cranky in reaction than hoopoe. I see it as everyday sexism where these men are taking on the privilege of policing a woman's body---one french fry at a time.

And FYI, my DH would never ever say this kind of crap--because it's sexist and totally inappropriate in the workplace. So there!

Cranky and a little sassy! Good for you! I don't know how old hoopoe is, she seems understanding. I tended to get a little more forgiving as I got older. Not to say that you are not. I like your attitude because you seem to cut people some slack. Because I "know" you from the training forum, and I like the kind of rider you are, I totally forgive your crankiness at sexist men. My DH is 71 and he tends to be a bit sexist. But I know that he just doesn't understand. He would give the shirt off his back to help a woman in true need.

It's Sunday and DH is working the Texas floods for Red Cross. I'm at home drinking some nice red wine. It's making me entirely too talkative!

[StraightForward]

"remember to eat a green thing every day."

[Moutaineer]

"remember to eat a green thing every day."

Does Gorgonzola count?

[Rosie B]

LOL - Mountaineer you're my kind of person. StraightForward - does the lettuce on my Big Mac count?? (j/k)

demi - thanks, lol.. you're going to make me blush.

capstone - I remember that story!! That is so rude.

Chisamba - most people are in general very kind, and were last time I was pregnant, too. One lady at work was so excited she insisted on making cupcakes with coloured filling for a "gender reveal". So sweet of her.

One of the weirdest comments I ever got was when my son was about 4 months old. Before he was walking I carried him in a sling anytime we went anywhere, and he often was asleep as he loved being close to me. I was at the mall, and my son was sleeping in his sling, and a woman came up to me and peeped at him and said "Is it real?" LOL. In her defense, he has flawless skin and a perfect rosebud little mouth, and he was always small for his age, so I can see how she might think for a brief second that he was a doll, but still, to actually ASK??? LOL.

Flight - if it was one of my colleagues or peers, I probably would have told them to piss off. But I can't say that to the VP (middle aged autocrat in a suit) and reasonably expect to retain my job. lol. So I said something as close as I could get, without actually being impolite.

[piedmontfields]

Cranky and a little sassy! Good for you! I don't know how old hoopoe is, she seems understanding. I tended to get a little more forgiving as I got older. Not to say that you are not. I like your attitude because you seem to cut people some slack. Because I "know" you from the training forum... It's making me entirely too talkative!

Very funny! I am actually quite polite in person and most of the time on-line. But on the inside I am also a marxian-materialist feminist at heart (quick translation: follow the money and the power and look at what it says about justice and equality).

Living in the US south and working in a male dominated environment where everyday sexism is not only tolerated but encouraged does make me occasionally take advantage of outlets for what I really think

[Tarlo Farm]

they are , in their cloddish way, trying to show affection and caring

This is the truth.