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So many experiences and life lessons for me. I'm very glad my 20 year old self didn't know what I know today, but one thing I would tell myself if I could is that you're not in control. At age 20 you may think so, but you aren't. I would say let go of trying to control everything around you and thinking you know what's going to happen because you don't have a clue. Also stop being so critical of yourself. You're gorgeous at 20 and you'll see that someday when you look back at old photos.

What other people think of your choices is going to become so irrelevant to you, you cannot even begin to imagine how little they will matter. So just, do it, all of it, everything, until your heart is content.

Oh, and your roommate was so wrong. You can talk to everyone and be nice to everyone and you aren't going to be stolen and end up in a ditch. Your instincts are far better than hers, don't doubt it.

ETA: And take dad's money when he offers it!! lol

Buy microsoft stock at the IPO rather than a 4wd truck.

"Enjoy it more". I had some wonderful experiences in my young life and I let 'should I's?' concern me more than I ought to have.

Oh, and that affair with that wonderful guy? Shoulda done it...

Tuffytown wrote:Buy microsoft stock at the IPO rather than a 4wd truck.

Ha! This!

I really don't have any regrets of what I did as a 20 year old. I'm glad life has gone the way it has, so far. I got married at 20 which seems so young right now. But I was a mature 20 year old for the most part. I paid my own bills, I was responsible...it was the right thing and we've been married almost 23 years now. I would say I regretted not finishing school right away but going back five years later made me appreciate it so much more; I realized I needed college to make something of my life and by that point I knew what I wanted to do. I settled down and finished getting my degree. At 23, I had my daughter and I'm LOVING that she'll be turning 20 this month and I can really enjoy her while I'm still young AND I get to do things with just me and hubby or me and the friends.

I would tell myself this: You're lovely. Don't beat yourself up because you're not a size 10, and if a man sends up a red flag, pay the hell attention. And go to law school.

Don't lose sight of what you love, just because someone else thinks you should do something else. Find out how to make it work, and do it.

1.) Finish college then not later.
2.) Dump "you know who" way sooner than you did.
3.) Quit working for the family businesses - they will never take you seriously or pay you for all the actual hours you put in.

I would tell my 20 year old self to continue studying agriculture and not get a degree in film studies. I would also tell myself not to start smoking. I got more stuff to tell my 30"year old self!

Sigh. That was a rough time, 20 (and the years following).

"No matter how nice a day it is, don't skip class and go to the beach and get hit by a truck on the way home. It's going to ruin your effing life."
"If/when the above happens, take WAY more time off afterwards. WAY more."
"If you have a bad feeling about being alone with certain people at work, go with your gut instinct. Get out of there. NOW."
"Everything changes. It's okay. It's not ruined, it hasn't failed, it's just different."

stella wrote:I would tell myself this: You're lovely. Don't beat yourself up because you're not a size 10, and if a man sends up a red flag, pay the hell attention. And go to law school.

Haha. I would tell myself DON'T go to law school

"Carry on"

Let's see, at 20? Stop putting stuff up your nose and buy real estate, you look great, your folks (parents) are right.

That's really about it. I was blessed with a great family and fabulous friends. They were, and continue to be the best parts of my life.

Save more money for retirement.

Do not go into education.

Have more fun.

Don't get married so young.
Don't make life choices based on what other people think is best for you.
Finish college.
Move far, far, far away from your family.

Listen to your gut, it's way smarter than you think.
Don't make decisions based on fear of "what if it fails?" Instead think "what if it works?" and go for it!

Forget that English Lit degree. You're bad at that kind of stuff. Go to med school. You love the subject matter and you're good at it. And, buy a horse.

Don't get married just because everyone tells you that is what is expected of you! Stay by yourself and run your own life the way you want.

...that.the Air force has taken over ALL fixed wing combat operations and the poor Army fixed wing pilots will do no more than fly business jets for the generals .... yeah I turned down a training slot for Army fixed wing training when I was 20. I was the first to have scored 100 on all three tests that were used at that time. They usually only gave the one test which no one had aced before so they thought they better give the alternate which I aced then they were thinking I had the answer sheet so they gave me a third under very close observation (which I finished in 20 minutes rather than the allotted hour) also getting all correct. (secret was I had three years of mechanical drawing as a high school student so visualization in the abstract was just some that was second nature).

At the time I turned down the appointment nearly all Army fixed wing pilots were forward observers for artillery (others were to fly the C-7 STOL into dirt strips in the jungle) ... funny thing was as an air traffic controller I spent a six month assignment attached to an artillery command unit to help develop the program of how to intermix artillery and helicopters ... which is still being used

But just yesterday a rare event took place when all of our family was together at one time, it was good to see that the kids are doing well and making an impact on all they are associated with... very positive out come overall... so was turning down that slot a mistake or was it fate? ... don't care any longer.

Do not slow down for other people.
What's obvious to you is brilliant to others.
Be grateful and appreciate that you survived. Not everyone could have.

You think it's hard now? Just wait. It gets harder. So start that FU fund now.

Be brave...follow your dreams.

Pay more attention to your money! When you buy your first house with a basement suite, keep it, don't sell it to finance your next one. Don't buy a horse with your student loan.....
Speak up for yourself. And, life is short, enjoy every moment-even if it means trying to get joy out of vaccuming (I can never spell that!) the house.

Believe in yourself. Stop second guessing what you know is right for you. Stay in college even if you end up quitting teaching. Get a horse! You know that's the only dream that matters to you, Don't listen to the people who tell you what you want to do with your life and how you want to live your life it isn't practical, obtainable and doable. They won't be around x number of years later to listen to your regrets.

One more thing to tell my 20 year old self: use contraception.

As someone in their early 20s who is struggling immensely at the moment, this thread couldn't have come at a better time.

Don't be afraid. You are going to have an amazing life.

You're good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it people like you!

It gets better.

That guy you think walks on water and the best thing since sliced bread? He isn't. He isn't worth it at all. Twenty years from now he will be a nothing to you no matter how much you think you love him, you don't.
Choose the more progressive school first. Skip the Catholic one that won't challenge you at all. Take a few more programming courses if you can.

Be Brave
Be Kind
Be Friendly - EVERYONE has the same doubts and insecurities as you
Do not use that credit card to buy stupid stuff
Start saving, even if it's just a little bit
Travel and experience life before you have attachments that ground you
Listen to the advice of people older and wiser than you

Stop smoking and use the money to learn to drive asap
Dont go to London
Don't feel like you need a boyfriend all the time
Learn German
Start riding again - it's the only thing you've ever been passionate about
Don't waste your academic ability but study equine science - that way you might actually commit to finishing a degree
Be determined about working with horses in some capacity

Whatever amazing things you get to do that I didn't, make sure you still meet your future husband as he really is ace!

RedMare wrote:As someone in their early 20s who is struggling immensely at the moment, this thread couldn't have come at a better time.

Thanks from me, too. Some really big changes in the past couple of weeks and though I'm approaching 30, lots of this advice is really, really relevant.

Forgot.... the big one


Don't waste any energy trying to be "cool" or being liked by people you consider "cool"

Your desire to be 'cool' will behind most of the stupidest things you will ever say, do or wear.

Stop drinking so much and see a doctor about your hips, they're not going to get better. Also just go to school for Computer Science, that's what you really want and that's what you end up with eventually anyway, stop stalling.

It's going to get better. Never perfect. But better than this.

Oh, and that person you think is your friend. She's not. She never will be. Don't go back there.

Next time your brother hits you call the police. Your family will just have to deal with the fallout.

Stop worrying about what other people think is right and go with your gut. You really do know what's best for yourself.
Have more fun, let people get to know you a little bit more.
Take better, the best care, of yourself first.
Take time to find your 'spiritual' side, don't wait for a life crisis to reach for your spiritual self.

It's okay to be different. Dance to your own music.
Stop obsessing about being thin enough and comparing yourself with others.
Wear sunscreen!

Those plans you have for yourself 5 and 10 years from now? They'll change dramatically, and it will be ok. Take the opportunities life presents you.

I wish I had known that I was smart and capable and neither my father nor my first husband were in charge of my life or decisions.
If I hadn't been beaten into submission with the 'god's way is my way because I am the man', my life would have been very very diferent.

Your health is top priority - maintain healthy life habits and use sun screen.
Get as much education as you can.
Save money for future or emergency fund.
Be kind to yourself and others.
Respect yourself. Follow your gut about interactions with others. Get out if a situation if it feels wrong.
Negative people are simply toxic. Don't allow them to destroy you.
Take reasonable risks for change - choices and ENJOY the journey.

Stop baking yourself in the sun with no sunscreen!!
Major in a subject that YOU want to major in in college, not what your parents want - and preferably in a field that will give you a pension.

Go travel NOW. Pack a bag and wander Europe, Africa, Asia ... hike the Pacific Crest ... hike the Andes.

Don't drink, ask for help, go to meetings.

Losing 10 lbs to achieve your goal weight of 95 lbs is not going to make you happy.
In 30 years you'll be twice as heavy and three times happier!

it gets better--much MUCH better!

DON'T MARRY THAT MAN!!!!!!!! That is all.

For me, Valerie and LeoApp hit the nail on the head...

I will add...

Buy less crap. If you have to buy something make sure it has intrinsic value and will last for a long time.

Don't get tied down in your 20s by owning a dog. You will miss a lot of travel opportunities and late nights out. And if you are out late, by all means, take a cab home when necessary.

Take up yoga and practice every day.

Spend more time volunteering and less time partying.