step-grandparenthood

[Moutaineer]

I'm sure I'm not the only step-grandmother here.

Somehow we have amassed six grandchildren on 3 continents, now between the ages of 6 months and 11 years old, and I suspect there will be a couple more in the pipeline soon.

The issue is, apparently, amongst their parents, how should they address me? My husband's ex-wife is, quite rightly, "grandma," and I have no Idea what they call their mothers' mother, TBH.

I said, just call me by my name, but apparently that's causing some angst for some reason.

It's rather come to the fore as my 3 Australian grandkids are turning up on our doorstep on Thursday. My husband ("grandpa") is uncharacteristically worked up about it. My comment that if they weren't comfortable calling me by my given name then maybe "Step-grandmama" would do it didn't go down so well...

It looks like we are settling on Gram. Ugh. I have a perfectly good name.

Any thoughts?

[kande50]

If it was me I'd just let them decide what they wanted to call me--or let the parents decide what they want their kids to call me.

[heddylamar]

It sounds like you have a new moniker

You've voiced your opinion, but the kids/grands want to give you a title instead ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I'd roll with it in interests of harmony and spoil them!

On a side note, I've always been mystified why my husband who's known one grandfather his entire life called him by his first name. It made complete sense that hubby's older siblings (9 and 8 yo) would call him by first name -- they had 7+ years with their grandfather. My husband never knew him, his grandmother's second husband was his defacto grandfather. Hubby probably picked up the first name thing from his brothers.

ETA: I completely understand the name preference. Hubby and I've got the older half of his (our) neiblings and their significant others dropping the aunt/uncle thing. The younger half (ranging high school to first grade) still use the monikers.

[acheyarcher]

well Nanna mountaineer, or Grammie Mountaineer I would not mind. But yes, in these modern hyperextended families, let the children selfselect. They may come up with some pretty sweet, special and unique titles. I think that would be special

Boopa Mountaineer has a special ring

as to the pending visit, ask you husband to speak of you, when talking to the children, in the way you wish. I think first name only is too mature and perhaps needs to be saved for when they are adults. He can refer to you as Grammie Mountaineer ( thats the term we used in my family) Oma, Nanna, etc.

My Niece is referred to as "Tia Elizabeth" simply because she has lived extensively in Latin America and is a Tango instructor. It was uniquely self selected.

[Chisamba]

Just a thought, grandma is a title, like aunt or uncle, so why not grandma mountaineer. One can have several aunts uncles and grandmas.

[Sunshine2Me]

What is your nationality? I am half Czech, and "grandma" in Czech is Babička, but "Bubi" for short. My Italian friend calls his grandmother "Busha." German friend "Oma." Friends at work are "Gigi" and "Mimi." Lots of fun versions!

[Sue B]

I let the parents decide. My dh's ex is a rather unpleasant, territorial woman--I have no wish to add to my step "kids" problems. They all have great kids, I don't care what they call me.

[boco]

My great-grandparents, grandparents, and parents were all divorced and remarried at least once. And then for fun, some remarried to people with also-divorced parents. I have every kind of permutation of step-grandparent one could have. I call(ed) them all Grandma/Grandpa, except for my stepmom's stepfather, who is PoPo.

[silk]

My nieces have 4 non-"grandma/pa"s.
Their paternal grandfather (my dad) was already Poppa thanks to our ex-neighbours and their kids; mum HATED the suggestion of Nanna, so went to Nonna (her mum is Italian).
Their maternal grandfather is Koody (sp?) and grandma, Imma (why, I don't know, I don't know if the kids picked or if the grandparents made suggestions).

My Nonna (Italian grandmother) died when I was two, and my Oma (German grandmother) when I was 15 (my grandfathers were dead long before I came along).
We never called our aunts and uncles that - we always used their given names - so to me, if they want to be addressed as Moutaineer, that would be normal. To others, it can be a sign of lack of respect that I don't say Auntie Moutaineer. Personally, I hate being called Auntie Silk by my nieces... Go figure.

[PaulaO]

My nephew couldn't pronounce my name when he was learning to talk. It came out Peedin. So for over 40 years, my family name has been Peedin. My nephew's daughter (my great-niece?) calls me Aunt Peedin. My point is, let the kids or their parents decide.

[Wicky]

I proposed (literally) Grandma Wicky. I am something else, apparently, and I guess it is something that is not the same as the other grandmother.

[Moutaineer]

My name is Amanda, so it can be a bit of a mouthful with something else tacked on the front. But I guess Gram would work--someone suggested Gramanda… yeah, no.

I'm a Brit, so no cute foreign diminutives, sadly--and I have the same ex-wife issues as Sue B except with Dementia thrown in, so I'm trying to stay far. far away from any potential conflict issues there.

[VBOpie]

My husband didn't want to be called any of the traditional grandfather names. He is both a grandparent and step grandparent. He just doubled his name and all the kids call him BobBob. A friend of mine, who is of French ancestry, is a step grandmother and goes be "Mim," short for mimay. I think Mim is really cute.

[Rosie B]

I live in a tight community, Mountaineer, and there are quite a few parents (mostly moms) of our friends living nearby, who love our kids like they are their own grandkids. The kids refer to these ladies as 'other nana', and 'nanny'; whereas Erick's mother is 'Nana' and my own mother is 'Grammy'.

Then there's always 'Mimi' - for folks who are way to cool to be a 'nana'.

[Bip]

I hope everyone gets a grip and you can choose a name you are comfortable with.

I had a horse named Yaya, and my mom found out that is Greek for grandma and chose that as her grandma name years before I was actually pregnant. My dad just assumed he would be grandpa, but then someone said, “If she’s Yaya, are you Yo-yo?” And it stuck, lol. Periodically DH asks, “when can the kids start calling your dad Grandpa?” Maybe never? DHs parents are “Grandma Firstname” and “Grandpa”.

[Sunshine2Me]

My nephew couldn't pronounce "Grandpa" at first, so he was "Crap Pa"!

[Bip]

My nephew couldn't pronounce "Grandpa" at first, so he was "Crap Pa"!

Aw, that’s cute. My son couldn’t say “Grandma Indu” at first and called her GooGaNu, so cute! I think we were all hoping that would stick, but he got articulate pretty quickly.

[Canyon]

When my first stepgrandkid started to talk, we collectively settled on Grand(First Name). I just realized that if my name really were Canyon, I'd be GrandCanyon! (It's my horse's name).

I think Gramanda has a nice ring to it.