Old friend died

[Sue B]

No, not a horse, a human. I met her in high school; we played with our horses together...teaching each other the finer points of dressage, galloping through hay fields, and exploring the mountains. Together we put on horse shows for other kids in the county and dreamed of one day having "fancy" horses like the rich kids up the road. She was the same age as I but a year ahead in school. She went off to college, I took a year off and did the "working student" thing in California. We managed to go to the same University for one year, then she took off to live at a racetrack in her camper after her beloved horse died young and tragically. Ultimately, she went to pharmacy school and acquired a Doctor of Pharmacy, and I became a vet, but by then, I could not take her phone calls any longer. You see, somewhere after high school, she became an alcoholic. I would get drunken phone calls in the middle of the night from places all over the world. Always the same...always threatening suicide, always wanting me to drop everything and come rescue her. I couldn't do it and maintain my own sanity, and so over the years I limited contact to a few phone calls a year and sending emails that were never answered. Saturday night, her sister called to let me know that the police found her deceased in her house--presumably of natural causes.

I'm terribly sad, terribly conflicted. I wish, just once, she would've been brave enough to fight her demons; that she could've seen the world for its endless possibilities instead of its deficiencies. I wish...

[khall]

I’m so sorry SueB. It’s hard when you can’t help them. I lost a friend to suicide. She was an accomplished woman and a commercial pilot. It’s hard. I know.

[StraightForward]

I'm sorry Sue, that sounds terribly complicated and sad.

[Ryeissa]

so sorry for your loss.

[Flight]

Sorry for your loss Sue B.

[PaulaO]

I’m very sorry Sue. I lost both my brothers to their addictions. Yes, you think “couldn’t they have made better choices?” It’s all very sad.

[KathyK]

It's terrible when a person with such tremendous abilities and heart falls prey to her demons. I'm so sorry, Sue.

[Lipsmackerpony88]

Oh gosh. I'm sorry. I understand the feelings you are having but please don't feel guilty. You did what you had to do. It's tragic to see people go down that road and battle addiction.

[demi]

I feel for you, Sue. I have experience growing up in a small rural town with a childhood friend. We knew each other when we were babies, went all through school together, and are still like sisters 67 years later...we’ve had serious ups and downs in our friendship and several periods where we didnt communicate for years at a time. I have some very real issues with her outlook on life, but still, I’d be very much conflicted and have all sorts of strange feelings if she died.

I am sorry...

[Sue B]

i am so sorry for your loss Paula. Coming on 3 years since my nephew died from an overdose. Every time he went through rehab and sober living, he was sure that THIS time would be forever, but the longest he ever made it was a year and a few months. Ironically, he overdosed celebrating his sobriety! At least he kept trying!

[Tanga]

I am so sorry.

[Tarlo Farm]

That's so sad, and simply life. I'm sorry for you. I know it's still difficult to lose someone who was a great friend in our younger years.

[Boudicea]

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend, Sue. Something you said has resonated with me. I've had my bouts with depression and anxiety and during these times it does really feel like there is just no future. Everything feels negative. Maybe it will help to think about this and to try to imagine a world of possibilities next time I'm feeling blue. So thanks for your words.

[Sue B]

Boudicea, I'm glad I could be of help. When I'm feeling especially down (and sometimes even angry) I look around for some way to help others. That's partly why I'm a 4-H volunteer and (used to be) active in my little community church (which is under seige right now, but that's a whole nother depressing story, lol) and, of course, a rural veterinarian. This world is truly filled with endless possibility. hang out with a bunch of goofy teens and tweens and they will show you the way!