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The Careful Use of Compliments is a book by Alexander McCall Smith. It’s the sort of book one reads seated in front of a roaring fire on a cold night, accompanied by a mug of luxuriously hot chocolate, thick fluffy socks, and a dog or two at one’s feet. Part of the Sunday Philosophers Club series, I urge you to seek out their gentle pleasures.

The title of my upcoming memoir is ‘The Graceful Acceptance of Compliments” and it centers around the truth, one we must all discover for ourselves, that when one is complimented, don’t delve. Don’t try and tease any meaning, just accept.

“You are a Lynx”
Came the email the following day after a dinner date which I thought had gone quite well. I think of Lynx as wild, beautiful, athletic, graceful. But new to world of dating, and unsure of popular culture I have no idea what this might actually mean - is it code for something like a cougar I wondered, but possibly smaller or younger (!) than a fully fledged man-eater? Or was it something entirely different I asked?

“Solitary, cute and vicious.”

I think he likes you.

Lynx has an x in it, which means it's automatically related to "sexy". As opposed to Cougar.

I think this guy is trying to be intriguing - nothing wrong with that. He has you pegged for complicated and intellectual, and he is trying to match your game. That's a good thing. Just don't the two of you get so caught up in being clever that the spark dies. My free advice.

This whole on line dating thing is dispiriting I have to say. And I wonder how much I can really be bothered? He was right about one thing - I'm definitely solitary - especially now it is snowing and single digit temps. I think I'm going to hibernate until spring.

bascar wrote:This whole on line dating thing is dispiriting I have to say.

Until you've gone on a date with someone you met on line who told you, when you met in person, that he was abducted by aliens a few times, you haven't really done the whole on like dating thing.

Two ways to look at it. He's either a relatively knowledgeable North American big puddy cat person or he's not. Maybe he meant to call you a Sphinx. Either way, sounds like you've got him purring or he intends to have you purring before too long!

KathyK wrote:Until you've gone on a date with someone you met on line who told you, when you met in person, that he was abducted by aliens a few times, you haven't really done the whole on like dating thing.

That's a good one. My personal fave was the guy who I met with mostly because he said he'd read my favorite book (Joyce's Ulysses)--several times! Turns out he'd read it in PRISON. He admitted to this shortly after putting a bunch of strawberry plants in my trunk and telling me that he never wastes anything--he saves his urine for his blueberry plants. Not sure why he thought that any of this was first date material. The mind boggles.

pawsplus wrote:

KathyK wrote:Until you've gone on a date with someone you met on line who told you, when you met in person, that he was abducted by aliens a few times, you haven't really done the whole on like dating thing.

That's a good one. My personal fave was the guy who I met with mostly because he said he'd read my favorite book (Joyce's Ulysses)--several times! Turns out he'd read it in PRISON. He admitted to this shortly after putting a bunch of strawberry plants in my trunk and telling me that he never wastes anything--he saves his urine for his blueberry plants. Not sure why he thought that any of this was first date material. The mind boggles.

Well now that you both put is like that........... I'm quitting while I'm ahead.

Maybe he meant minx, but didn't realize a minx is not a small furry animal, but a lynx is, and they rhyme, so, ya know, whatevah.

Alex wrote:Two ways to look at it. He's either a relatively knowledgeable North American big puddy cat person or he's not. Maybe he meant to call you a Sphinx.

Oh, god. I hope not!!!



(...nothing wrong with being called a lynx, though...)

Quitting while you are ahead seems to argue with the subject line of this thread. Just sayin'

Minx not lynx?

Mirabella wrote:Minx not lynx?

I suspect this is the answer.

(assuming he was otherwise pleasant. )

Love the minx/lynx picture! priceless....
I still say 'hang in there', it's kind of like horse shopping, you've got to ride a lot of donkeys to find your heart horse. Is that corny or what!? but you know what I mean!

That Sphinx is one ugly mo'fo'.

I still say 'hang in there', it's kind of like horse shopping, you've got to ride a lot of donkeys to find your heart horse. Is that corny or what!? but you know what I mean!

See, my problem is, that having owned and bred and ridden a lot of horses, I'm not sure I believe in heart horses. I am coming round to the idea that romance just isn't in my nature. Perhaps the observation that I am solitary (vis a vis Lynx) was unusually perceptive .

I prefer the idea that he is Mr. Malaprop. If he is, I hope you string him along-I mean keep him around for awhile for our entertainment.


Nothing wrong with semi-solitary. I'm quite fond of the condition myself.

I am also not the heart horse type, buy that has not stopped me from having a horse its whole life and appreciating it.

I am not the heart horse type either, but I have fallen in love with a few men. I knew within five minutes that there was something happening. On the flip side, I usually know within 10 seconds if there's nothing.

KathyK wrote:I am not the heart horse type either, but I have fallen in love with a few men. I knew within five minutes that there was something happening. On the flip side, I usually know within 10 seconds if there's nothing.

I am confused. What was happening between 10 seconds and five minutes? 4 min and 50 seconds of indecision?

Mirabella wrote:

KathyK wrote:I am not the heart horse type either, but I have fallen in love with a few men. I knew within five minutes that there was something happening. On the flip side, I usually know within 10 seconds if there's nothing.

I am confused. What was happening between 10 seconds and five minutes? 4 min and 50 seconds of indecision?

Not indecision exactly. More of a waiting for a decision to present itself. A state of suspension between No and Yes.

I hate caraway seeds. Period. They trigger instant projectile vomiting. But it took years and years for me to fully embrace olives.

bascar wrote:“You are a Lynx”
Came the email the following day after a dinner date which I thought had gone quite well. I think of Lynx as wild, beautiful, athletic, graceful. But new to world of dating, and unsure of popular culture I have no idea what this might actually mean - is it code for something like a cougar I wondered, but possibly smaller or younger (!) than a fully fledged man-eater? Or was it something entirely different I asked?

“Solitary, cute and vicious.”

I'd say a lynx is a rare beauty.

The comparison horse/man is a little weird. When I get myself a horse, heart horse or not, changing it, training, telling it what to do, dominating it, is a healthy foundation for the realtionship. *I* certainly don't want to go into a relationship with another human being under the same premise.

AmityBee wrote:The comparison horse/man is a little weird. When I get myself a horse, heart horse or not, changing it, training, telling it what to do, dominating it, is a healty foundation of the realtionship. *I* certainly don't want to go into a relationship with another human being under the same premise.

Just what kind of woman are you?

KathyK wrote:

AmityBee wrote:The comparison horse/man is a little weird. When I get myself a horse, heart horse or not, changing it, training, telling it what to do, dominating it, is a healty foundation of the realtionship. *I* certainly don't want to go into a relationship with another human being under the same premise.

Just what kind of woman are you?

Amitybee are you one of those fifty shades of hay ladies?!

*snort* Yeah, only I'm not the one needing a safeword...

But seriously, you buy a horse, you own a horse and you are responsible for turning it into a good citizen, for everybodys sake, the horse included. Comparing the relationship with a horse to dating, though funny, is a bit odd.

...it's kind of like horse shopping, you've got to ride a lot of donkeys to find your heart horse.

Maybe a better way to put it is that it's like a fairy tale. Sometimes the happy ending is with the first person you meet, sometimes you have to fight a few dragons, and sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs.

I feel your pain.



That said -- Lynxes are cool, no matter how you look at it!

https://www.reddit.com/r/Lynxes